Friday, April 29, 2005


My head is like mudd. I am feeling pretty low. Lets see, how low.

Hmmmm that is low.

Fridays never come soon enough.

Piss on Monday.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

? ?

Why is it that if my intentions are always so good, and I have such a big loving heart, and am someone whom only wants to feel loved in return, that it seems I am regularly questioned about me intent. Why would anyone challenge my integrety. ESPECIALLY those close to me. Why would they? I don't get it.

I don't question my partners integrety. I sometimes fear the possiblity and act accordingly silly but I NEVER question it.

I am sure it is me, or something about me that causes it. I experience it regularily.

dono. something for me to think about.


Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Morning after...

After last nights post I got thinking about EMP weapons and their ability to cripple a technological country.

If an enemy were to strategically deploy EMPs throughout North America and blow them up in the upper atmosphere the resulting radioactive rain that would fall to the earth would be enough to possibly throw the entire continent back 200 years and essentially destroying all the Americas data at the same time.

The crippling effect would be instantaneous.

I have included the wiki on EMPs.

In telecommunications and warfare, the term electromagnetic pulse (EMP) has the following meanings:

1. The electromagnetic radiation from an explosion (especially nuclear explosions) or an intensely fluctuating magnetic field caused by Compton-recoil electrons and photoelectrons from photons scattered in the materials of the electronic or explosive device or in a surrounding medium. The resulting electric and magnetic fields may couple with electrical/electronic systems to produce damaging current and voltage surges. The effects are usually not noticeable beyond the blast radius unless the device is nuclear or specifically designed to produce an electromagnetic shockwave.
2. A broadband, high-intensity, short-duration burst of electromagnetic energy.

In the case of a nuclear detonation, the electromagnetic pulse consists of a continuous frequency spectrum. Most of the energy is distributed throughout the lower frequencies between 3 Hz and 30 kHz.

Monday, April 25, 2005


Now although Iran is not the evil super villian that the US makes them out to be. With a kill all approch such as this they could become that very fast. In a matter of minutes really.
What a slap in the face.


Silly response to MS!

I realy was thinking of something much better but I ran out of time!!


Sunday, April 24, 2005


Quiet sundays, napping gentle. Fried Egg sandwich almost done. Beautiful sun in my face. I bask in my richness. My life my whole identity. Smile. There is only one today.

But so many tomorows. I think I will pay attention.



She aches
She takes
Her earbuds out from here
She shakes
I snore
She twists once more
She turns
I breath
Hiss in and out
She jumps
I grab
She’s gone
The couch
I cry

She sleeps.

Late nights... dreams can come true.

I sit in front of my computer watching the time roll by. I spent a lot of time here today. Tomorrow, a break. No emf. Not buzz. The ice clinks in my glass of rum as the alcohol slowly converts it to liquid form. The rum 8 years.

My hair i s stuck in position. Not unlike the lead of cure. Note pad my canvas and this site my gallery I paint the words you will never read. And if you read them al statements contained here in become false.....


Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Top of the food chain?

Just read something of a man who was torn in half by a shark.

Ok food chain. We consume life. We are life. We can be consumed. Take away our guns and our clothes. Make it a fair fight. We would loose to even the smallest and passive of creatures. Without our brains, and our ability to manufacture. People would be pretty damn low on the food chain. We would be lucky to be above cattle.

Sharks, pumas, pythons and corcodiles. The creatures are created to end life. To further theirs. There are many smaller animals to support thier large diet. Humans use all life to support thiers. Ratio is abit off.

Monday, April 18, 2005

patterns vs. me

People have patterns. These patterns are predictable. Humans have and amazing natural ability to see minute deviations and perversions from these patterns.

For example, if I sit quietly on a couch with my partner and I quietly ponder the possibility that nothing is real, and my partner looks over and notices I am looking inward and asks.

"Is everything ok?"


At this point there is a single answer that would normally be uttered by 90% of the population.

"Yes dear, I was just thinking about the possibility that nothing is real. Thanks for asking."

However, if I was sitting and thinking about the fact that my partner was pissing me off because she never cleans the toilet, my answer would be closer to.

"Yes everything is ok. Can't I just sit here and think."

First of all, why lie in the first place. Why not just get it out there to hash it out and be done with it. Secondly, if you really don't want to talk about it now why use a speech pattern that is so apparently making your statement false.

But the odd part is most humans respond to the second type of answer in a fearing manner. That casues loss of power and in the end a diminishing of you within both your partners head as well as yours.

What is the point other than a passive aggressive impulse to create drama and engage your egoic entity against your partner's egoic entity.

What makes people attempt to emotionally destroy those who are closest to them while all the while truly loving the person. Does this end?

Can it be as simple as both entities becoming self aware and therefore stop this pattern of behavior before it begins?

Saturday, April 16, 2005

Family and me

What has happened to my family? Was I always this different from them? Or is it since I have been away I am growing less like them everyday. The thing is every day I see more and more of my parents traits in me but I seem to grow farther apart from them. Is this a natural "weening" or is it just me? It seems as I look at them I see merely shadows of what I once thought they were. Echos in space.

Have they lost substance or have I missed their meaning?

I speak and they drift to other worlds. I drift to other worlds and they were never there. Is there much hope or should I just cut my loses?


Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Talking back.... bad kitty.

Although I agree with the T Seguin quote (is that called meta-quoting?) that stewing on the past is bad news, I find the statement and posting in general quite disheartening.

First. To be content means to limit oneself in requirements, desires, or actions. I get queasy just thinking about that. Never be content. If you've self-created your own limitations through the use of self-fear and doubt, I hope you find the strength to smash down that wall. Be the person you want to be, not the person you are.

Next. Not to anticipate means turning yourself into a dog. Less than a dog. Even a dog can anticipate the treat, the stick throw, or the car ride. I take this one particularly close to heart because anticipation is very important to me. I learned it early on in my HapKiDo training and it has helped me all through life. Anticipation is knowing how to balance yourself with what comes at you. If you aren't balanced, you get knocked over.

Finally. "Living in the Now" should be treated with more respect than that I believe you are giving it in this posting. It simply cannot be your solo mantra. Incorporate it (if it's an idea you like) into yourself as part of a greater thought. I believe Now is something not to focus on, but to accept and allowed to happen. The only creature I can think of that lives *purely* in the now is zombie. Don't be a zombie, you have so much more potential.

I felt that this comment needed reponding to having come from a close friend, with whom I have had this discussion more than once. I would like to once and for all set the record straigt on the context and meaning behind this quote which is much less literal than what they are making them out to be. I will also start by thanking you for saying I have so much potential but don't imply I am not intending to use it.

The first point

Content does not imply limitations if you look in the dictionary the definition is

Desiring no more than what one has; satisfied.

It uses the word desiring, lets disect that word.

The dictionary meaning is:
Desire: To wish or long for; want.

Wishing and wanting are clearly not good methods of obtaining.

I would agree that content is a negative thing if the meaning was to "Settle for what you have" And that is what you are professing againtst settling. Content merely states that you don't wish for what you don't have. Wishing is pointless and destructive.

So the first point could be rewordded to say:
Do not just sit and wish your moment that "is" away by wishing for a moment that is not.

The "is" at the end of the statement is putting this in the context required to extract this.

"IS" merely points to yout situation It can not be changed.

The second point

Anticipation of a coming event is normal and needed in life. But to look forward in a longing way and hope that your life situation will somehow be solved and or improved in an imagined future is insane. You can only solve problems in the now. And to wait for a future date to solve them or have them solved makes no sense. Looking forward to upcoming good events or dreading bad events is a real emotion but niether will improve the moment (once it becomes the now) and really only waste the now you are currently experienceing.

And finally the third

Lament, To regret deeply; deplore:
Maybe this is a personal thing but regretting ones actions is close to self abuse. In the case of mistakes, everyone makes them. In the case of embarassment, everyone gets embarassed. In the sense of loss, well Lamenting that loss never brings back whats gone.

In my opinion The only good use for memory and your past that occupies it is the extracttion, when a moment comes to your now, of practical knowledge. And the occasional reflection on happy memories (but only when your present is happy).

Now all this I have laid is simply a guide for overcoming a negative view on life. Maybe ones misunderstaing of it could mean thier view of thier is completely optimistic.

When one person pulls SOME of there power from a few simple statements to denounce them is unfair. The words are open to intepetation and maybe others interpet tham differently.

It makes sense to some of the worlds greatest thinkers so why not me.

All though this quote is written by tseguin. It is a methodolgy behind alomst all forms of self help / self enlightenment from Dr. Phil to Zen.

So I can't be completely off base. And in my opinion I am right on base, because I feel it.

Monday, April 11, 2005

Now vs. then

If there is one thing people need to realize in life to be happy, it is thus;

"Be content with what is, do not anticipate what will be, and do not lament what was."

— T Seguin

You will never have any other time than now. You will never experience the future until it is the now and you only think about the past now.

Imagine yourself in a field of sheep. You look over at you neighbor and as he chews the grass you ask. "What time is it?" The sheep would look to the sky and say, "What an absurd question young lass. Of course it is now. The time is now. What else could there be?"

Once a person can realize this and enlightened state will be obtained where one can strip away past filled with pain and futures filled with fears, and live intensely present in just that, the present.

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Self ReClaimnation

There is alot of mind lost to the cozmos and the frivalities of what is not so important. When there is so little positive thought going on in your head that there is room for anyhthing but truely that is a sad state.

There is beauty in every situation and rather than dwelling in the disgust of the current events you can choose to shine. The clouds will open up and there will be a rich awakingng of both mind and spirit. Off the cuff really. Simple----

Friday, April 08, 2005



Blondie - Jesus in bust.

Fab Five Freddie told me everybody's high
DJ's spinnin' are savin' my mind
Flash is fast, Flash is cool
Francois sez fas, Flashe' no do
And you don't stop, sure shot
Go out to the parking lot
And you get in your car and you drive real far
And you drive all night and then you see a light
And it comes right down and lands on the ground
And out comes a man from Mars
And you try to run but he's got a gun
And he shoots you dead and he eats your head
And then you're in the man from Mars
You go out at night, eatin' cars
You eat Cadillacs, Lincolns too
Mercurys and Subarus
And you don't stop, you keep on eatin' cars
Then, when there's no more cars
You go out at night and eat up bars where the people meet
Face to face, dance cheek to cheek
One to one, man to man
Dance toe to toe
Don't move to slow, 'cause the man from Mars
Is through with cars, he's eatin' bars
Yeah, wall to wall, door to door, hall to hall
He's gonna eat 'em all
Rapture, be pure
Take a tour, through the sewer
Don't strain your brain, paint a train
You'll be singin' in the rain

The lurker.

I was told today I am bitter and twisted.

All I can say is huh?

Bordem and how to spot it.

Mateo, and I were hanging last night, what went wrong. It seemed we became bored, anxious, and generally grumbley. What was this emotion? Could we really be bored?

Let us put this into preseptive.

Mateo and I are fun loving. Energetic types we aren't what you would call "do'ers" more "movers" we move along.

So why were we so stagnant last night. Was it Matts headache? Was it the dope? Or was it something much more sinister.

I just don't know why a person like myself with all the things I love to do, and CAN do. How could I ever be bored.

Maybe I am just numb.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

The Pope is all pissy about being a pope.

A Pope's job is hard. Blessing people all day really takes a toll on you. Jeeze I bet he was so tired he could not bare to change his own silkin diapers.

Poor POPE.


This guys style is amazing.

So retroCool it is not even funny.

I need this guy on one of my projects.

interesting happenings

Media Samurai and I have been playing with some private forums in an attempt to catalouge some of out ideas. We have a tendancy to loose alot of them in this thing we call a brain.

So we created a 'neuralNetwork'. This is a private network that will surely fuel alot of the discussion here on t-e-m.

Althought the forums will be private I will be providing a news blog to let you know of current events.

I will let everyone know as soon as everything comes online.

BTW who is everyone? :)