Not like a glass thrown against a wall, or a heart smashed against a step. But more like a horse that was wild turned tame.
I see that I want to be ridden. I want to be worked. I was to be bridled not as a slave or as a prisoner but an entity in a symbiotic relationship.
I want to be the anenome protecting the fish that swim in my person. I want to look to the surface and know that up there I would die and my partners aren't stupid enough to follow me.
I am poisoned at the moment so the fish have left at first I thought "go to the surface that will show everyone how you feel". But I realized that was my distructive behaviour trying to get the best of me. I flushed my poison. I sat in my sickness and looked at the floor for hours. Noticing stains I never have before. I wonder is that blood? No it is likely jam dropped by the people who make my house a home.
I returned to the sea to realize that I had in fact lost my home. I still have my house but it is empty.
Even my dog didn't care I was home.
I will fight for what I believe in. What I know is real. What I know is right. I will wear a ring on my finger with pride and I will be me over and over and over again. I am not such a bad guy I have tonnes of potential. Even if no one has faith in me at least I do. Thats all I can say