Doing more reflection based on my direction I hope I get an erection.

Madness

I am finally getting things done

So this whole life change has had a profound effect on my state of mind. During the day while at work I feel completely in control. Master of my domain. I know where everything is. I know every question I need an answer to. I know at the drop of a question I can answer confidently. My desk is neat and organized and my email is up to date.

I feel great!

Well almost great.

There is one more step. I have been resisting it for sometime. The full adoption of my work methodology at my home level. The logical and precise nature of my work, is not reflected well when I am at home. I loose my clarity. I loose my focus. I start to react. I start to ignore.

Thought

Does one persons view of another often reflect more of themselves than they realize? I think so. We experience other peoples REACTIONS to us. We are in complete control of our own self so therefore you also control the self the other is reacting to and therefore need not worry ones self with what their reaction is but what you did to provoke it.

I didn't get a boner btw.

Living on the edge

I am often on the edge. They also call it the ledge. I had a member of my surrogate family MLK come over for a visit. You see though this visit was different. MLK lives with his Dr Wife, in BangleDOUCHE. They live in a university so they can claim 2.5rd world. But shit they live where bugs still eat people.

Gad damn.

Anyway, they come into my home and stir shit up. In a totally good way but I was distracted and fell of the boat. Good thing most of my shit floats all that really sank was my spirit. A quick morning of realignment shows I didn't stray to far off the path to success. Thank dog.

So onwards. Weekly review will really clear my thoughts today. May need to report more then.

To today!

How much money is enough? More.

I am in a pretty good place emotionally these days. I find myself almost completely stable with my highs and lows much less extreme. However as with anybody who basically avoids real life for 15 years I have incurred some pretty nasty unsecured debt.

Time to get to work on it. So I sit in front of my terminal thinking about budget shit. Budgeting sucks because it really exposes how irresponsible I tend to be. I will go for months barely buying a thing. The I go blow my load in a bad way. I am impulsive, compulsive and money and I are repulsive. So you mix that up and you get on broke punk.

So what can I do? I am trying out some software to help track. Looking for help from the bank of course they can't help me without me helping myself. Isn't that always the way. Why can other people fix my problems. For years my mom did it. Why the fuck do I have to start now!

Maybe I should call my mom.