Home is definitely where the heart is.

I am in Calgary this week. I had a wonderfully drive down here for the first 11 hours. I took 'the scenic route' never realizing that tacked on 3-4 hours. So I slept in the car on the side of the highway in banff and suffocated the first 2 hours and froze the next 2 and I was back on the highway for the final stretch.

I had driven so far looking for a safe place to pull off the highway that did not have a "No overnight parking" (idiots) sign.

I enjoyed my first couple days seeing old friend and walking to my own rhythm. Then came STAG night. It was meant to be paintball with the boys and drinks afterwards then to meet the girls and dance into the wee hours.

NOPE not for me, that's not what I did. I grabbed a 26 of rum and from what I understand polish off 1/2 of it before we get to paintball. I pass out. I wake up after paintball. I am FUBAR. I look at myself I am a total mess. I am bleeding and bruised and have pussy written across my stomach in jiffy.

I have been told Chad (an old friend) and I got in a first fight. I got beat up and everyone is pissed. I apologize? Yes what a horrible thing to do on your buddies stag. I got out of control. I tend to sit here and beat myself up about it. Feel bad and all that. But I realize its drinking the way I do that is to blame. I drink straight. I drink from the bottle if I want and I get drunk.

So that being said no more rum for a long while. And I am sorry Steve and Amy for messing up what could have been a rad night.

So here I sit awaiting the wedding. So I can get the hell outta here go back to where I am safe and secure. At home witht the two coolest people in the world. sKerry and Windy, I will see you soon.

Love me-

Lunch Lady Land

Every place of work that has it's own kitchen (cafeteria style) has a lunch lady. Now until recently we here at my office had not inherited a true lunch lady.

We now are the proud owner.

Before we had various standard service area persons. From the grumpy, bitchy, lady to the man you can't understand what is coming out of their mouth. All these people with bones to pick and getting frustrated over the world idiocy because the forgot to grab the garlic bread and would now like it as an after thought, or you were only to have a small coffee with the special and it is not worth my time to add the extra cents so I will let you go this time but not without a look of disgust!

But now we wait no longer our lunch lady has arrived.

I will start with a brief physical description.

She is an older lady possibly in her 70's, but more likely in her late 50's or early 60's but has smoked for 45 of those making her look 20 year older. She stands and walks with her knees bent a bit of a sway back topped of with a hunch. Really her stature is sort of like a cobra.

She greets me EVERYTIME with Maamm. Now the first few times I corrected her and said "sir." but she did not apologize or say anything just moved on like I was telling tales. So now I just take the gender flub and forget it. (Sometimes I answer in valley girl tone)

Here is a breakdown of ordering.

LL: What can I get you maam?

me: Can I get the perogies with the Yam's and Mushrooms.

ll: Is that to stay or to go?

me: For here (although I go I don't like the Styrofoam)

She grabs a plate and walks over to the side dishes.

ll: Do you want and veggies?

me: Yes Yams and the roasted Mushrooms please.

She proceeds to put one small piece of yam dead center in the plate and surrounds it with a HUGE and I mean huge two or three spoons of Mushroom. Enough for 4 people. The plate is now full.

ll: And what entree would out like maam?

me (to self): did she say out in that sentence?

At this point I decide it was pointless to ask the initial "What can I get you Maam" as she has either forgotten during the decision for eat in or out.

me: The perogies please

4 perogies carefully counted out with a spoon the size of my leg the mashed with the lack of dexterity that comes with a tool of its size.

I now have a little pile of mashed potatoes with the perogie skins on the side.

ll: Would you like Onions and sauerkraut... er sour... sour kraut? ...er Sour?? Cream .. Sour cream and sour kraut? no Onions. Sour cream and onions?

me: Yes please.

ll: You would like them?

me: Yes but please no Sour kraut.

She looks at me like I am stupid and says:

LL: we don't have any sour kraut sir. (She proves she knows my gender)

Finally she goes for the onions. PLOP literally two large cooking onions on top. and a table spoon of sour cream.

She hands me the plate....

me: Don't I get a sausage with that? (like I need it)

Looks at me like I am stupid or insane and

LL: YES maam...

And uses her hand and picks up a sausage. (now the interesting part I noticed is she did not even use the tips of her fingers like you would think. No, she palmed the fucker. FULL GRIP)

And drops it like a fucking cherry on the top of this horrific pile.

My plate was 8 inches deep at the center.

By the time I found my poor little yam it was covered with so much crap it no longer looks appetizing at all.

Gross.

Before the War, CIA Reportedly Trained a Team of Iraqis to Aid U.S.

Before the War, CIA Reportedly Trained a Team of Iraqis to Aid U.S.

Interesting that all through history MI6, the CIA, mossad, and all the worlds intelligence agencies are notorious for creating double agents.

This leaves the biggest holes in security you could possibly make.

Double agents quickly become triple agents.

More money more info. It is like putting your trust in a rapest on a deserted island.

But seriously...

It is hard to face the truth. It is hard to look deep into your being and say, I am not as innocent as I play. I am not the victim, I am the perpetrator.

It takes courage to step up to that plate, and confess your unstableness. To twist your eyes around in their sockets and look yourself deep in the soul and say "Why?"

Why do you continue to pretend. Why do you feel merely saying your better makes you better.

Self enlightenment and repair takes time, energy, but most of all action.

A smoker who says I ill quit after this pack is merely making themselves feel more secure about smoking that pack. The mind questions the act, and the ego defends it.

Same goes for a lot of things in life.

If your girlfriend is pissed at you for being late to pick her up for the movies, it is not solved by making her believe you were stuck in traffic, rather than having "one more" with the boys. Although the anger goes away but that is replaced by a lie. Lies build. You have heard that. Now think about it.

I realized I was doing this sort of thing on a regular basis. I blamed it on the fact that my partner was "too controlling" or "Looking for things that are wrong".

I wasn't being flat out untruthful just bending truths to further myself. It all sounds horrible, i know, but each little fib or story is not bad, not big, not some drama, but the whole thing all amalgamating into a great deceit. And that becomes horrible.

The untruths like "I could stop smoking weed anytime" don't start with my partner. They are not said for her benefit. They are said for mine. If I was to say "I would have a hard time stopping completely" that is more true and no more a failure. IN fact it is a success since I am embracing the truth. I do enjoy smoking up. So it would be hard to give it up altogether. Is there anything wrong with that. NO If you LOVED swimming as your pass time you would not want to NEVER do it again.

But when I am sitting there on say a Saturday afternoon, looking at a house that needs obvious work, and saying I will do it in a hour, for 6 and a half hours, that’s just stupid.

I need to realign. Realize that not every moment can be FUN and GAMES. I need to get more serious. I always compare myself to a friend whom seems to have it together but also smokes weed and parties. But you know what. I offered him a joint last weekend and he said "No, I have all kinds of stuff to do tomorrow" I replied, "That’s tomorrow dude" and thought he daft.

You know what. I bet his stuff got done. You know what else. I smoked that joint. I did not get the stuff I wanted to get done, done.

It's all pretty clear. And for the last couple days so is my head. And I am ALOT better for it.

Pentagon bans use of anonymous quotes in press releases

I can't really believe Anonymity should ever be a government protocol. Accountability is demanded.

Pentagon bans use of anonymous quotes in press releases

Home Coming

My little one is home from Italy. I missed her more than I even thought cause when I first saw her I was surprised at the feelings I had.

Inner smile is what I will call it.

She is the best. A little best come off the rest of the best.

My family does not seem so messy.

Could a three year old acctually bring order to a chaotic household?