Not so sleepy

Here I sit I should have been asleep and hour or two ago. I went bed at 10. I usually have very little problems going to sleep, but I watched this crazy show about intervention, and it got me all wound up. I had to go for a walk around the block. This lady who is a meta head has a five year old son. She is one of two identical twins and had had a rough go. Her family did an intervention.

I started to cry and I don't mean the usual swelling of the eyes and a drip or two. No Sobbing. sKerry beside me sleeping I looked into her eyes. (Her eyes where closed but of course I can still see them). And told her I loved her.

I thanked her for sticking by me. Because that's what it's all about. Friends, Family but most importantly partner.

Partner is the word it always should have been the word. Skerry is not my girlfriend. Not my 'fiance'. Not my "old lady". She is my partner. Partners provide strength to the other. The provide a safe place to go.

I continue to weep only because sKerry doesn't feel that from me. I think she feels like she doesn't have a safe spot. This is probably because I have been hiding in her safe spot for so long I forgot to provide one. On top of all of this I have been trying so hard to provide a safe spot for Chicken noodle that I didn't even (almost) realize her mom needs one too.

I really want to provide this and I know I can. I provided it today. sKerry needs to know she can count on me and our 'partnership' is more than one sided.

I think I will go kiss her. Not a sloppy sexy kiss. Not a good night kiss. But a deep, serene, and real kiss brought on from a soul that now understands, wants to right what was wrong, and will do whatever it takes to make or home our sanctuary.