Three days no coffee

So three days into caffiene withdrawl my headache is finally subsiding. My digestion is almost back to normal and my appetite is returning. To top it off I am no longer peaking out come 2 pm. My sleep is still pretty shakey but dealing with the other issue will likely help that along.

All in all I feel like the lack of caffiene is the one I feel physiclly the most the rest of my cuts are purely in my head. I want to smoke up just to be able to sit and think. I want to drink to unwind after a long day. I am trying to find other sources of calm but unfortunately have been only partly successful.

I definatly don't want to be this guy. But BC med is making me. So here is where I am facing my vices. Take it from me it is harder than you think.

Location:Hazelbridge Way,Richmond,Canada

But does it run crisis

Living as a self aware dual diagnosis bi polar has it's ups and downs, literally. Last night way down. I almost failed in my goal. My lovely wife supported me and although she has all along, last night was different. For the first time in a
long time I did not feel alone. I felt listened to. I feel empowered. I still felt disappointed with myself but I was able to experience the symptoms of my issues full on. I was not worring about loosing my family and could focus on not loosing sight of my goal.

Thank you skerry for seeing what was really happining and putting your emotions to the side for the time being. I will make it up to you I promise.

I will put yesterday behind me now and let today come through for me.

Setting goals

The result is what matters, not how it's achieved (unless, of course, the
process of achieving is itself a series of results).

- Iain M. Banks
Player of Games

I have never been one to be organized. I have forgotten things my whole life. If I didn't forget I often put off. And subsequently I sit at 31 years old with not a lot accomplished. I have a wonderful life don’t get me wrong. But I have accomplished almost nothing measurable as far as goals. It is not a lack of desire but a lack of goals. I have said “Someday I will X” but it never really meant anything. One of the only things I every promised myself was to be a dad. I have achieved that but not by setting a goal. It literally fell into my lap.

So why don’t I have goals. I have a wild imagination, you would think I would have long list of goals. But I had none. You see I used the word had. I learned something from a very wise man. “Goals are never unreasonable”. When you realize this, and you also realize you thought your goals where unreasonable because ‘nothing that good will ever happen to me’. It has become clear nothing ever “happens” to you. You have to make things happen to you.

Well I have set a goal. It is a big one. It is huge. But it is being slowly broken into smaller goals and further still into individual tasks. You need ten years to become a master at anything if you put in the effort. And that will be my final test. Can I put in the effort? If I can I will have achieved a life goal. If I can’t at least I will have achieved something and that is a better personal understanding.

The stairs

Marshal stepped into the light, after a darkened accent, that was flickering from the dusty light bulb protruding from the wall with a twisted cage it's only shade. The door at the top of the stairs was closed but not latched Marshal used his left elbow to open the door and peered inside.

The young detectives and deputies were gathering as they often did just to see marshal work. They always stood a long way back as they knew if anyone was asked to do something it would be something terrible.

Violent Crimes, deals with some messed up shit. But Marshal, he dealt with the worst. In fact he now worked on a single case. This case has been open for 82 years and has spanned three continents. And he normally worked alone. If he hadn't kicked us out to make a three mile perimeter you know this would be a lot of work. Sicking work.

Derek Jones, detective. I have been assigned to take over from Marshal. He is in an advanced state of cancer and has 3 months to a year to live. No one else has touched this case in 33 years. No one else could, no one else could handle it.

~

Einstein confirmed again!

Astronomers confirm Einstein's theory of relativity and accelerating cosmic expansion

Thought: Cosmic expansion. One could assume we are in a relatively advanced stage of cosmic expansion. Could it be we really are some of the last remaining beings struggling to survive with almost insurmountable odds. We have no Galaxy to colonize it has simply become too big.

Madness: Odds are it will not get any easier for life.

"The data from our study are consistent with these predictions and show no deviation from Einstein's theories," says Van Waerbeke.

Einstein's theories really have stood up even in the most astounding ways ways that were impossible to predict even when he was developing them. These "truths" should be our religion. Should be fact. I understand scientific method. But there comes a point were you can no longer question certainty.

Way to go Ludovic Van Waerbeke of UBC. I wont hold the fact that your name sounds a bit like a vampire or evil lord of a crystal shard. I salute you in your glorious achievement!

SCIENCE!!

Discovery.

The darkened hallway flickered with burnt light from decaying overhead lighting. The tile floor had long since began to crumble away with an unseen force. On either side of the passageway were large steel doors. The doors remained almost untouched which only added to the decay in its stark contrast.

In the corner of a small alcove was an overturned chair. Beside it a large pool of brown viscus fluid. The fluid obviously dripped from above and a simple look could see it's source. A long crack in the ceiling that slowly gushed the fluid. The only sign of the horror that took place on the second floor.

Fredrik Marshal wasn't ready for another one.

"Nobody's been through here."

"No sir not..."

"That wasn't a question." Marshal not looking at the Sergent that had spoken.

Marshal strode away looking at a 4 by 6 photo as he did so and he disappeared up an flight of emergency stairs.

~